8 Tips to Manage a Major Life Event
Date: 25 July, 2023
Published by: Health
Blog by:
Margaret Barton
When your life goes sideways, the rug is pulled out from under your feet, when suddenly what was unthinkable is a new reality, what do you do? First, contact me; I’m here to help, you are not alone. That said, let me tell you what’s helped me, and many of my family, friends, and clients. If you’re currently in deep caretaking mode, scroll down and start with #6.
1) Stop and take a deep breath
When a major problem strikes, it’s only natural to panic; our breathing becomes shallow, we take quicker breaths. We tend to act quickly, to look for an immediate answer, and in looking for a quick way out, it’s easy to make the wrong choices or to miss helpful ones right under our nose .
ACTION:
Take three deep breaths and slowly let them out, notice the difference.
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2) Make a list of the people closest to you and reach out
There’s a tendency to isolate, to feel that nobody understands, that we’re alone. We can think we’re a burden to others. We may be frustrated, angry, confused, or even ashamed, so we pull away, leaving family and friends to wonder why we’ve been out of touch. It’s important to reach out .
ACTION:
Make a list of those closest to you and reach out. Have an honest conversation; be open to their responses.
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3) Identify your top action items
My life has gone sideways many times, I’ve been fortunate to rebound each time. While “sideways” can mean many things, for the sake of communication, I’ll use a health breakdown as an example; with an aging population, the following may resonate with many.
ACTION:
- Make sure person needing help is in a safe living situation
- Reach out to primary care provider
- Check on insurance
- Reach out to others in your circle of friends to find out who has undergone a similar experience
- Send a group email to all your contacts, explain your situation and ask if they’ve undergone a similar experience, or may know someone who has (remember to bcc all your contacts)
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4) Dealing with a rare health condition?
Under these circumstances, it can be challenging to identify and/or reach doctors and health care providers who can help you, waiting lists for an appointment can be long, navigating the health care system can be more than tough, it’s demoralizing and exhausting. You may be surprised that within your circle of family and friends, someone knows someone who can help you .
ACTION:
- Identify the doctors you would like to see and send their names to your contacts, asking if anyone can provide an introduction
- While this may not be an answer to being seen as a patient in an already full and closed practice, it may very well likely get you an initial appointment with a doctor who can refer you (and, yes, I tried this and it worked! I’m so grateful to my friend, Dr. Vashi Dhir, who provided much needed advice!)
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5) Your doctor has given you a referral to a specialist, what next?
You’ve had an appointment with a primary care doctor; you’ve been referred to someone specializing in the health care condition; sad to say this next step is not the slam dunk you think it will be, so here’s what you need to be prepared to do:
ACTION:
- Once the referral has been submitted, it’s crucial to follow up weekly with the doctor/clinic you’ve been referred to. It doesn’t matter if your situation is urgent, all patients are singing the same tune, so persistent follow-up is very necessary, and remember not to take out your frustration on the person answering the phone
- The referred doctor/department will review your records (allow at least 7-21 days for this)
- Once your records have been reviewed you will be contacted, either an appointment will be scheduled (could be months ahead), or they will decline and refer you to someone else, starting the whole process over again
- It’s important to get a referral to more than one doctor as chances are slim a doctor can see you in a timely manner, if at all.
- The more referrals you get from your primary care doctor, the better. It’s important that they, too, call the doctor they are referring to; your primary care doctor needs to go the extra mile for you
- Expand your search, telemedicine is now widely practiced; reaching out to doctors in other parts of the country is recommended
- Make sure all your medical records are in good order. Yes, your doctor will forward your records but if you have kept a log of symptoms, treatments, etc., that will be helpful; have everything ready to email and/or fax at a moment’s notice
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6) As a primary caregiver myself, here’s my advice to help you through the process:
It’s important to remember that as a caregiver you really need to look after yourself first and the patient second; the advice they give on airplanes is the best to remember: when experiencing an emergency, put your oxygen mask on first otherwise you’ll be in no position to help your loved one!
ACTION:
- Reach out and get the support you need, be bold in asking friends for help. Help may take the form of meals being delivered to you (a lifesaver for me), errands being run, sheets to be changed, prescriptions being picked up, someone to come sit with the patient while you take a much-needed break. Believe me, if you let family and friends know you need help, they will be happy to do so. Making sure you eat is hugely important
- Create structure to your day, a strong routine is very helpful and will aid in keeping you on track
- Make sure you’re sleeping enough; if possible have someone help you with night shifts. If night time sleeping is severely impacted, try to nap, when possible
- Do light exercise; a walk round the block, sitting outside in the sun, getting out even if only for a short while is beneficial
- Communicate with those you work with that your work life is currently being impacted. Don’t shirk from doing this; be open and ask for time off and/or explain your working hours may not be normal for a while
- Avoid alcohol and too much sugar! While these are enjoyable in the moment, they will both create a temporary high with the resultant crash, which as a caregiver you can’t afford
- Eat as much protein and fat as you can, go low on the carbs! If your weight is starting to drop, make sure you track your food intake to see you’re eating enough
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7) The power of prayer/meditation
It’s a well known fact that many an atheist finds comfort in religion when the going gets super tough. Coming face-to-face with our mortality or the mortality of a loved one, suddenly finds us having a conversation with a God we didn’t previously acknowledge! Prayer, or its companion, meditation, and/or breath work, can play an important part in how you choose to live your day. For a moment you step out of daily worries and look inward; the world slows down as you concentrate on a prayer or mantra, your breath quietens; body and mind relax .
ACTION:
Find a favorite prayer or reading, post it somewhere, and pay attention to it at least twice a day, notice how you feel
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8) In conclusion
Most people reading this know me through my work over the last 30 years in real estate, I’ve helped many people with the purchase and/or sale of their homes. What you may not know is that I’ve had considerable experience with helping people in very difficult situations: suicide, severe health issues, prison, sudden death, and just about everything else in between; the caretaking above applies to it all. My family, friends, and clients have taught me all I know. If you’ve read this far, I hope your main takeaway is that you’re not alone. I have considerable resources. If you need help, please reach out to me, or others. I may not be able to directly solve your issue but I guarantee I can help in some way. Last but not least, I leave you with the thought that nothing lasts forever, life is about change, look for the ways you can facilitate change, and take action. Wishing you only the best in your journey.
ACTION:
Please pass this email on to your sphere of influence; while you may not need help, someone else might!
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